


"i'm sorry, am i talking too much?"

by rogueonestan



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Adventure, Adventure & Romance, Dealers choice, Fluff, Gen, also there's no mention of the baby so he may or may not be there, and it shows the development of their relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:15:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26881294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rogueonestan/pseuds/rogueonestan
Summary: the four times you open up to din and the one time din does.
Relationships: Din Djarin & Reader, The Mandalorian (The Mandalorian TV)/Reader, The Mandalorian (The Mandalorian TV)/You
Kudos: 29





	"i'm sorry, am i talking too much?"

_ The first time you opened up to the Mandalorian was when you were both en route to your next bounty.  _

“Where’s our next bounty?”

“The Recopia System.”

Groaning slightly, the Mandalorian turns around in his seat, tilting his helmet at you, “have you been there before?” 

Hesitating, you reply, “I’ve had some back luck there.” You could feel his stare intensifying underneath the helmet, so you continue, “the last time I was there, it was for my first undercover covert mission for the Rebellion- Rebel Intelligence.” 

Looking up, you see the Mandalorian has given you his undivided attention,  _ “ _ the last time I was there was for a mission;  **_it was during my Rebellion day_ ** **s** . One of our most important assets got captured during a mission, and Intelligence told us the Imps were brutally torturing them at the ISO-L8 station. So, they tasked me with going to Recopia, retrieving them out of their prison cell, and returning back to base undetected. Luck would not be on my side that day. Almost anything bad that could happen, happened. 

I was able to gain clearance for my ship and land onto their space station. Once I landed, a few Imp officers approached my ship, demanding to inspect my ship. Two out of the three officers were called for duty elsewhere and luckily, I was able to knock out the remaining officer so I could borrow his uniform as my disguise. 

Once I changed into my disguise, I commed an update to my superiors and waited for an update. They, unfortunately, didn’t have much intel to give me since the prisoner I was rescuing was being heavily supervised. 

During my scouting of the prison, I was able to gain access to where they were. When I was figuring out where I needed to go next, a few lower ranked Imperial officers would approach me, asking me questions, but I had no idea how to respond. I was panicking during the moment; my mind went blank. I just made up some  _ kriffing  _ excuse and continued on with my search. 

I found the cell where my target was, luckily I had no other interruptions from any other Imperial officers, and I was able to enter the cell. I saw how brutally tortured they were; they had blood and bruises all over their body. They had black eyes, swollen cheeks, were restrained tightly against a torture chair. Just my luck, they were unconscious, so my plan of pretending to transfer them to a ‘different cell’ was thrown out the window.” You say using air quotes with your fingers, “quickly, I used my comlink to update my superiors once again. I knew the risk of the transmission being tampered with, and of course, the Imps were beginning to suspect there was something suspicious happening. I knew the longer I was at the prison, the higher chance I was risking of getting caught.”

“Did you?” You hear Mando suddenly ask. 

You nod your head, “when I was assigned this mission, I was considered to be a pretty good spy; not the best, but I was very good at my job. I made so many rookie mistakes that day: I kept comming to my superiors, almost blowing my cover, almost getting caught multiple times throughout the entire mission.”

“If you knew contacting them was a bad idea, why did you do it?”

“It was my first rescue mission,” you say shrugging your shoulders, “I was trained for missions like these but my nerves got the best of me. If I focused on the task at hand rather than focusing on almost getting caught, things could’ve gone much smoother. I panicked multiple times, like comming in multiple times, and almost jeopardized the entire mission. I was young and trying to prove myself.”

Mando just nods, so you continue, “when I was able to get them out of the chair, I had to come up with a plan of getting him back to my ship undetected. He was so brutally tortured to the point where he was unconscious and I began panicking because I couldn’t think of a way to get him out of there undetected. I needed a plan  _ fast.  _

Once I was on the verge of coming up with a plan, my luck had run out: I had this gnawing feeling in my gut that the Imps were on their way back, so I had no choice but to put the spy back in the chair and pretend I was ‘torturing’ the guy. 

A few moments after I had done that, one Imperial officer and two stormtroopers entered the cell and the next thing that happened still confuses me to this day. I don’t know how to explain it. I just remember having an argument with the officer: I kept saying of how I’ll take over this ‘torment,’ so they can leave, but he kept saying he was specifically tasked with breaking the prisoner. I don’t know  _ how  _ I managed to convince him, but I did this trick that sometimes works?” You say with furrowed brows, confusion laced in your voice, “I waved my hand in front of the officer and told him to leave, and he  _ did.  _ I was able to knock out the two troopers fairly quickly with no problem. I don’t understand what happened but somehow the Force was on my side.”

“The Force?” You hear Mando ask. You nod your head at him in response, “what is that? What do you mean?”

“It’s something my mother told me about when I was a kid. She always told me the Force surrounds every living thing and that it’s an ally. I don’t know what it exactly is, but my mother always told me to ‘trust in the Force.’” You explain. 

“You really think it’s the reason you were able to escape?”

You shrug your shoulders, “it’s the only explanation I can think of.” Mando doesn’t respond, but you can somehow  _ feel  _ the confusion radiating from him. You wish you could somehow explain it more but your understanding of the Force is limited.

You continue, “After they left and I knocked out the two troopers, I disguised the spy in one of the troopers’ armor. I don’t know if it was the Force, or luck, or what, but I somehow managed to sneak the disguised spy throughout the prison without being undetected. The closer I got to the hanger, this overwhelming feeling of dread just kept consuming me. I’m not sure how to explain it, but I just  _ knew _ that another upcoming fight was going to happen. 

By the time I got to the hanger’s doors, there were a few troopers guarding the doors along with two Imperial officers. They questioned me and I feared my cover was going to be blown. I _ knew _ they were beginning to suspect my presence because of conversations I overheard in the halls, but I didn’t know to what extent. They asked me if I saw any suspicious behavior, just general questions, but then they asked me specifically about my ‘superiors.’ I slipped, I made a tiny mistake, and they figured out I was the one responsible for the rescue mission. I tried doing the same tactic I used in the torment room, but it didn’t work for some reason. 

Thinking quickly, I knew this would be a messy mistake, but I came up with the  _ brilliant  _ plan of shooting my way out of this situation. So I did. I shot the troopers that were blocking the hanger door, but as I was doing so, one of the officers took the opportunity to shoot me in the leg; which took me to the ground. I shot him in the leg then in the chest. The last remaining officer in the room towered over my body and pointed his blaster at my head. I swore I was going to die at that moment, along with the spy. I feared a simple rescue mission was the one that got me killed. I closed my eyes in anticipation, but the shot never came. I opened my eyes and saw the officer was dead on the ground. I looked behind me and my partner had a blaster in their hand before they fell to the ground. 

The fight was over. I was able to take them back to my ship. Word got around about the attack in the hanger and multiple blaster shots kept hitting the side of my ship as I was preparing it for takeoff. My ship was surrounded by troopers. I knew the longer I was there, the chances of getting caught would increase. 

When we were in hyperspace, I began to relax but then remembered about my partner. I took off the trooper’s armor and was able to get a better glance at their bruises. Their entire face, their body, was just covered in bruises, cuts, scrapes, and just  _ bloody.  _ I’ve never seen anything like that. I knew I had to patch them up, to an extent. My ship wasn’t exactly equipped to heal a man who’s at death’s door. Because of the training I got from my mother, I was able to do so. I did what I could and finally relaxed until we got back.

He was treated properly at the medbay when we got back to base. And I completed my first out of several rescue missions I would be assigned during the war.”

Taking a deep breath, you slump against your seat and close your eyes momentarily. Opening your eyes, you see Mando still looking at you but with his helmet tilted, “do you always talk this much?”   
“What do you mean?” 

He sighs, “well, you have been talking for the past ten minutes.”

**_“Oh, I’m sorry. Am I talking too much?”_ **

“It’s a little annoying.”

You grunt in pure frustration. “I  _ hate  _ it when people call me that!” You clench your fists very tightly, your teeth grinding, trying to refrain from lashing out at your partner out of pure frustration, “I was called that all the time as a child.  _ Do not  _ call me that.”

After being partners for a few weeks now, the Mandalorian has never seen this kind of reaction from you before, and it’s certainly one he doesn’t want to see again. 

_ The second time you opened up to your Mandalorian partner was when you were heading back to Nevarro to return a quarry.  _

You and your Mandalorian partner are currently hunting on the forest planet of Murninkam for your next target. It is currently day two of your expedition and the pair of you have been walking around in a forest for hours now. The deeper you got in the forest, the deeper the pit in your stomach grew. Deep down, you had this feeling of something feeling  _ off _ . You weren’t sure why, but you just knew this bounty would be more of the difficult ones you’ve been assigned since joining the Mandalorian’s crew.

Your suspicions only grew as you traveled deeper into the forest. Silence surrounds you besides from the occasional chirps and snarls from the local creatures. Stopping dead in your tracks, you could  _ feel  _ like something, someone is watching you. With your left hand hovering over your blaster, you look around you before picking up your pace to catch up with your partner, “where exactly are we heading?” 

“To the Kajiin Swamp,” Mando replies as he takes the tracking fob off of his belt. The tracking fob has maintained its same rhythm all day and you’re beginning to lose hope of finding your quarry before nightfall. The sun on Murninkam will be setting in a matter of hours and you were hoping this bounty wouldn’t be a long one; most of your bounties with the Mandalorian typically only last a few days at most. 

“Are you sure we’re at least going the right way? There hasn’t been any sign of our target and we’ve been walking around for hours.”

“We’ve been partners for months and you still don’t trust me?”

“I didn’t say that- it’s just, wouldn’t something have changed by now?” And with that, the tracking fob begins to beep rapidly. You immediately take the staff off from your shoulders and secure the satchel you’re currently donning while the Mandalorian’s hand hovers over his blaster. 

You hear a rustling noise from the trees above you and the next thing you know, a male Pantoran jumps down, landing directly behind you. Before you have a moment to react, the Pantoran kicks you down to the ground hard. Supporting yourself with one knee, you see your partner has already taken off his pulse rifle from his shoulder and hits the target in the gut with the butt of his weapon. Doubling over in pain, you grab the staff that lays on the ground next to you, knocking the Pantoran off of his feet. Landing down on the ground next to you, the Pantoran attempts to get up but is unable to because of the weight the Mandalorian is putting on his chest. 

“We can bring you in warm or we can bring you in cold.” The quarry immediately raises his hands in surrender. The Mandalorian reaches behind him and tosses a pair of stuncuffs, “cuff yourself.”

The walk back to the  _ Crest  _ takes two days, luckily it back didn’t take as long as it did while trying to find your target. Using his vambrace to open the  _ Crest _ ’s hatch, Mando carbo-freezes your quarry while you ascend to the cockpit. Placing your staff and satchel on the ground next to you, you sit in your usual spot behind the pilot seat. Lifting your feet on the console, you close your eyes and try to relax as best as you can. 

Your feet suddenly are knocked off the console and land harshly on the ground with a big  _ THUD.  _ You reopen your eyes and find your partner hovering over you, “no feet on the console.” 

“Fine.” Putting your hands up in surrender, “won’t happen again, partner.” You can hear him audibly sigh loudly before taking his seat and starting up the ship, launching into hyperspace. 

Picking up your bag from the ground, you rummage through its contents very loudly, picking up random trinkets from local markets and dropping them on the floor. You can feel the annoyance rubbing off from your partner. Looking up, you can see Mando’s fists tightly clench around the  _ Crest _ ’s steering handles even though the  _ Crest _ is already in hyperspace. You go back to your previous task and try to find what you’re looking for: a piece of fruit you bought at the marketplace on Nevarro shortly before you were tasked with a new quarry. Biting into the sweet fruit, you begin to enjoy your snack momentarily until the Mandalorian turns around in his seat and stares at you. You can feel the tension radiating from his stare, “yes?” You ask with your mouth full.

“Do you have to be so loud?”

“I’m eating.” He continues to stare at you. Deciding to push his buttons further, you put your feet back on the console with a sly smirk on your face. He immediately shoves your feet off, even with more force than the first time.

“Stop it.” He aggressively snarls at you.

You mumble an insult underneath your breath. The pair of you continue to sit in silence until you start tapping on your thighs very loudly, the sound being the only one present in the entire  _ Crest.  _

“Would you be quiet?”

“You seem a bit tense, would you like to hear a story?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“You’re being so annoying today.”

Immediately grabbing one of the small trinkets off from the floor, you chuck it at his helmet without thinking, “you know I hate it when people call me that!”

The Mandalorian just stares at you with a shocked expression on his face underneath his visor, still trying to process what you just did. 

Putting your hands over your mouth once you realized what you just did, you mutter, “oh my stars” repeatedly underneath your breath and begin rocking in your seat. You can feel your heart race as you try to think of something to say, to apologize, but nothing comes out. You look down at your hands in your lap in shame.

“ _ Copaani mirshmure’cye, vod? _ ” He retaliates with a teasing tone.

“What?” Not knowing what he asked you in the language of his people, a strong expression of confusion is plastered on your face. Then you realize,  _ he’s ridiculing you.  _

While focusing on your laced hands in your crisscrossed lap, you look up at your partner, scoffing out of disbelief, “wait. Are- are you making fun of me?” The Mandalorian tilts his helmet slightly and you can feel the anxiety of the situation slowly dissipating off from your shoulders. You hear a low rumble coming from underneath his helmet, he’s  _ laughing,  _ you’ve never been able to make him laugh before. It’s a sound you’re determined to hear more often. You feel yourself beginning to let loose and laugh along with him. You can’t believe he’s actually  _ teasing  _ you. As long as you’ve known him, Mando’s been nothing but serious; you’ve never seen this side of him. It’s a side you hope you can see more often, getting to know the man underneath the helmet, not just Mando. 

You let your hands fall onto your knees as you lay back in relaxation. Mando leans forward in his seat, grabbing one of your hands, giving it a light squeeze, “you’re a very good partner but you can be a  _ di’kut  _ at times.”

“ _ Di’kut?  _ What does that mean?” 

“I’ll tell you another time.” He squeezes your hand one more time before he releases his grip and begins to turn around in his chair.

His sentence repeats multiple times in your head; it finally donned on you what he said, “wait, did you just call me an idiot?” You ask while laughing. Mando turns back around and nods, “you’re telling me! At least you didn’t almost accidentally join a cult once.” 

“You  _ what?  _ What the  _ kriff  _ are you talking about?”

“I was on Jedha once and I found out about the multiple religions they had that surrounded the Force. One of their religions, the Order of the Esoteric Pulsar, took their beliefs to the extreme and they tried to lure me because they ‘sensed something powerful’ within me, or something.” You try to gain a sense of Mando’s reaction but the never-changing expression of his helmet does you no good, but somehow you can just  _ feel _ his astoundment, “they told me about the Force and how I had it, then they were speaking about this deity, the  _ Esoteric Pulsar _ , and they believed a physical embodiment of their deity would appear to them one day, believing I was this  _ thing _ .” You scoff out of disbelief, still not being able to wrap your head around a group of people believing you were some sort of  _ god.  _ Chuckling, you continue, “I was around this group for a short amount of time just to see what they believed, but I never could figure it out. They kept worshipping me and telling me that I was the person who would bring galaxy-wide recognition to their purpose, so I left because I got weirded out.”

The Mandalorian opens his mouth various times to respond to your anecdote, but he can’t think of  _ anything _ . He’s truly at a loss for words. 

You pick up your piece of fruit that you neglected earlier and continue to snack on it while staring out at the hyperspace. After a moment of silence, you ponder another question, “ **_am I talking too much?”_ **

Your partner mutters  _ di’kut  _ underneath his breath as he gets up from the pilot seat and heads to the lower level of the  _ Crest _ , leaving you to finish your fruit in peace.

_ The third time you opened up to the Mandalorian was when you were assessing a wound of his.  _

With the Mandalorian’s left arm draped over your shoulder, you’re currently trying to get the pair of you back to the  _ Crest  _ as soon as possible. While trying to locate your next quarry, the two of you were ambushed by fellow hunters. Luckily, you weren’t that hurt from the fight, but your partner took most of the damage. The quarry was able to escape when Mando got a blaster shot on his right side in between his beskar. Today was not your day.

You have to get back to the ship _.  _ You have to help him. You have to make sure that he lives. You can’t imagine your life without him. 

Seeing the  _ Crest _ in the distance, you continue of struggling with his heavy weight against your side. You finally get back to the  _ Crest  _ and you’re able to finally tend to his wound. Helping him onto the cot, you retrieve the medkit that’s nearby, getting to work while kneeling next to his bedside. 

You inspect the injured area and discover the wound wasn’t as deep as you initially thought, mainly just superficial. While inspecting the wound, you discover that you’ll need more access to the area, possibly even taking off his cuirass. Grabbing the hem of his shirt, you ask for permission to roll it up. Nodding once, he grants you permission. You roll up his shirt a few times, stopping just underneath his ribcage, and you discover that you will have to take off his cuirass to fully patch his wound. Lightly grazing your fingertips on his right pauldron, you ask him if he wants his armor to be taken off. He nods. Slowly, one by one, you take off his armor. First, his pauldrons, second, his cuisses, then finally, his vambraces, placing them all in a neat pile on the floor.

Grabbing the edges of his cuirass, you ask permission again just above a whisper, “may I?” Mando responds by grabbing the edges on the top while you grab the bottom, and together, you both take off the biggest piece of his armor. You grab the cuirass gently and add it to the pile with the rest of his armor.

Before you begin mending his wound, you roll up the hem of his undershirt even more, stopping at the top of his ribcage. The mere sight of his bare skin makes your heart race. Your fingertips lightly graze around the injured area. Taking a deep breath, you take out the supplies you need to fix his wound. While doing so, Mando notices how this is all second nature to you, like you could do this in your sleep. Grabbing the bacta spray, you offer a free hand for him to hold onto, “this may sting a little bit.” Mando takes you up on your offer and intertwines his gloved fingers with yours. Trying to be as gentle as you possibly can, you give his hand a soft squeeze as you spray the infected area. Squeezing your hand with a strong force, he grunts out of pain. “Stop complaining, it’s only a blaster shot.” You saying with a sly smirk on your face. You can hear him scoff lightly from underneath his helmet. 

Giving him a sympathetic look, you increase your grip on his hand, “I’m sorry.” Without releasing your grip, you grab the bacta patch out of the medkit, and with the softest touch, you apply the patch over the injured area. After finishing tending to his wound, you unroll his shirt so that his injury is no longer exposed.

While still holding onto the Mandalorian’s hand, you bring your free hand and begin to trace random patterns on the backside of his hand. Silence fills the tender moment; nothing needs to be said. 

“Where did you learn how to heal wounds?”

“My mother taught me when I was a child- she was the local healer in our village on my homeworld of Rellia.”

“What was it like?”   
You smile at Mando’s curiosity. Ever since the playful banter you both shared after leaving the Murninkam system, your partner has been more curious about your past, “it was very captivating. The villagers always gathered around in town for the market where it was a bit desert-y, I guess? The small town didn’t have much to offer except for the local vendors, but the outside of town is where the true beauty was at. On the outskirts of town, there were grasslands and plains where a lot of the villagers lived. There were a few villagers who lived in the town but mostly everyone lived outside of the town. 

My childhood home was on one of the many grasslands that Rellia had to offer. My parents lived in a small cottage where just the three of us lived. We had a few trees surrounding our home, so we spent a lot of time outside rather than huddled indoors. We didn’t have many neighbors, but the village kids would either hang out in town or at each other’s homes. It’s also where I fell in love for the first time.” You smile fondly at the memory of your  _ first  _ love, Shay. You feel a sudden tight squeeze of your hand when you mention the word  _ love,  _ “have you been ever been in love?” You ask, looking up at Mando.

“I’ve never had a  _ riduur _ , no.” You hum in response, “what was their name?”

“Shay.” You say with the softest smile, “they were my best friend growing up- we were inseparable. They were one of the first friends I ever made and they were the one who encouraged me to enlist to the Academy with them when we were together.” You look at your enclasped hands and continue, “I was sixteen when I fell in love for the first time. Shay and I would constantly spend time together. While my parents were working in town, we would keep each other company until nightfall. 

My family was very close to Shay’s, who became a second family to me. Our families would have dinner over at each other’s houses while we were growing up, which is how Shay and I became so close. As children, we would play in our backyards, and as we got older, we would just hang out in our rooms. I remember our first kiss together being anything but perfect: our noses kept clashing together, our teeth kept knocking into each other, we kept giggling like schoolchildren. It seemed childish, but at the moment, I didn’t care. I had everything I ever wanted; that’s when I felt at peace. 

The longer we were together, the more we attached we got. Normally, we would have dinner together then we would be separated for the night, but Shay and I had this strong impulsive feeling of _needing_ to see each other, so we would sneak out just to see each other. We would lay on a nearby hill and stargaze at the night sky. We would hold hands, talk, laugh, just enjoying the moment. With how loud we were, I’m surprised none of our parents ever caught us.” You reminisce with the soft smile on your face growing bigger as you continue on with your story. Mando has always been able to read you very well after knowing you for the past year, but he can’t decide what expression was on your face. _Admiration? Longing?_ _Yearning?_

“Do you ever miss it?”

“What?” You were so lost in your thoughts, reminiscing on your past love, that Mando’s question caught you completely off guard. You didn’t expect him to be so curious about your old life.

“Do you ever miss your old life? Your family? Shay?”

“Sometimes.” The small smile on your face grows because of his curiosity, “I used to think I was going to have the same simple life my mother had: working at the local marketplace, having a family with the love of my life. I miss experiencing the simple moments I savored with my family, with the peaceful life they had on Rellia, the stargazing I shared with Shay. But I can’t imagine my life anywhere else but here.” You motion to your surroundings.

“What changed your mind?”

“The night before my seventeenth birthday. That night, both of our families had our usual dinner before Shay’s family went back to their home for the night. While I was getting ready for the night, Shay was at my bedroom window, telling me to meet at our spot in an hour.

When I met up with them later that night, they had a picnic set up for the two of us: they had blankets, a picnic basket, some candles; it was very ethereal. 

I remember us just stargazing in silence like we usually would when Shay mentioned a surprise they got for me. They reached into the basket and pulled out two applications to the Academy. 

‘ _ I can’t imagine what my life would be without you and I need you there beside me.’  _ Shay had recently learned that their parents didn’t want them to spend the rest of their life in our village, but to go out and see the galaxy, and they thought the best way to do so was to gain some experience in the military. My parents had a different approach: they didn’t want to force anything upon me. My mother told me that the choice was up to me, whether it was applying to the Academy that year or staying at home and having a simple life. I wanted,  _ hoped,  _ Shay’s love for me would overpower their decision to fight in the war. I just wanted to live out a simple life with the love of my life without having to experience any violence. But I guess we can’t always get what we want.” With your heart beginning to feel heavy, a thousand thoughts roam your brain of everything you’ve experienced with your first love, all the pain you’ve had to endure. Lost in your thoughts, you feel a soft squeeze of your hand. Glancing at your partner, you see him nod, urging you to go on.

Taking in a deep breath, you continue, “when Shay showed me the applications, something deep in me just  _ knew  _ this was going to change our relationship for the worst. I was being pessimistic internally, but I couldn’t help but also feel pure joy at the thought of continuing of having Shay in my life. So I said yes. I would’ve done anything for them, even if it meant enlisting into a war. 

I didn’t tell my parents about my decision immediately; I wanted to tell them unless it was absolutely necessary. When I received the news about my acceptance, I told my mom and she was devastated that it took me this long to tell her about the decision of my future. She told me to pack my things and to never return, kicking me out of her life forever.

When we got accepted into the Academy, I knew this would change things forever. Something  _ bad  _ was on the horizon, I just knew it. There, I learned my basic combat skills, got my piloting training, my espionage training. The missions I was assigned made me who I am today, all thanks to Shay. 

The longer we were a part of the Rebellion, the more we drifted apart. Shay didn’t receive the same training as I did, they became a pilot while I became a spy. We still saw each other, we would still stargaze off base like how we used to back home, but not as often. While I was away on missions, all I would do was worry for Shay. We would both be away on missions for months at a time, but I suppose seeing them after a few months would be better than never seeing them again if I stayed back home. 

We served together for the Rebels for a few years and Shay became notorious for taking unnecessary risks during missions, and that really took a toll on our relationship. I took the necessary risks to ensure I would make it back home, but they didn’t do the same thing. They would take risks, get scolded by their superiors, and continue their recklessness behavior. Ultimately, it was the cause to drive me further away from them.

One night, they volunteered for another dangerous mission- a suicide mission. I was in the same debriefing room, giving my report of my latest mission when the suggestion of the mission came up, and Shay offered their assistance without hesitation. I knew if they left for that mission, they would never come back.

At one point, I would’ve supported them through anything, but, um,” You falter by taking in a sharp, shuddering breath. Mando sees the sudden change in your demeanor, and wraps both of his hands with yours, squeezing it in support. Smiling softly in gratitude, you continue, “but Shay needed to do this, not for the Rebellion or the cause, but for themselves. I didn’t want to live a life without them in it, but they left me no choice. They were willing to die for the Rebellion and we both knew the possibility of this happening when we both discussed joining the cause back home. It was  _ stupid _ of me to think that that we would both survive this war without any repercussions. The more Shay experienced, the more it changed them.

I know it’s selfish to admit, but I didn’t want anything to change. I was naive, desperately clinging onto the last shrink of hope I had. There was this weird feeling deep down in my gut where I just  _ knew  _ this would change everything for the worse, the same feeling I had where Shay offered to apply to the Academy together. I remember the last conversation we had so clearly: we were arguing about the small possibility of us having a future together like we always planned. 

“ _ This isn’t just about you. It’s about what’s best for everyone, for the _ _ galaxy.” _

_ “How can it when you’re leaving me? You’re throwing your entire life away!” You turn your back on your lover. _

_ “I’m not leaving you-” _

_ “You’re leaving for a suicide mission at first light!” You throw your hands in the air as you turn back around. _

_ “Because I have no other choice! I’m doing this for  _ _ us!  _ _ I’m doing this for you, to protect you!” _ _  
_ _ “How could you possibly protect me when you won’t even be here?!”  _

_ “It has to be done. I’m the best person for this mission, you know that.” Crossing their arms across their chest, leaving no room for discussion. As long as you’ve known  _ Shay _ , as long as you loved them, they were always stubborn; something you always loved about them, but now are becoming to loathe it.  _

_ With warm tears threatening to spill down your face, you lower your head in defeat. When they are given an opportunity to fight, to protect those they love, you know there isn’t anything you can say to change their mind. _

_ Walking towards you,  _ Shay _ places both of their hands on the sides of your face, forcing you to look up at them, using their thumb to wipe away at the remaining tears, “you know I wouldn’t do anything to harm you, but this is something I need to do, for us.” They plead, “I love you with all of my heart. Nothing’s ever going to change that. We’ll see each other again, I believe that.” _ _  
_ _ “I know.”  _

With a few tears flowing down your cheeks and a bittersweet smile at your first lover, you look up at your Mandalorian partner who releases his grip of your hand and uses a gloved thumb to wipe away at the spilling tears, just like Shay had that night.

Grounding yourself, you squeeze the Mandalorian’s hand once again, something that has become routine between the two of you, “the following day, they left for that mission and never returned. They were twenty-two. No one on base knows what happened to them. They don’t know if their ship had crashed, if they died, or what. That argument I had with them that night was the last time I ever saw them.”   
Taking a free hand, you wipe away the tears that continue to fall down your face at the memory of your  _ first _ love, “when Shay never returned back to me, I thought I would never find that feeling of home again, or fall in love. I loved them with all my heart. I would’ve done anything for them if they asked. 

But it was for the best. If they never sacrificed themselves, I wouldn’t have the life I have now. I wouldn’t be able to travel all across the galaxy with the one person I care about most. I wouldn’t have  _ you.”  _ Smiling, you look back at the visor in the helmet, and you can  _ feel _ him replicating your smile, “I thought the happiest, the luckiest, I would ever be was when I was on my home planet of Rellia, but it’s nothing compared to the life I have here with you.”

After a few moments of silence, you feel Mando squeezing your hand, “ **_I’m sorry, am I talking too much_ ** **?** ” You ask in a teasing tone. 

“Never,  _ cyare.”  _ Your Mandalorian replies with only seriousness laced in his tone.

“Well,” you say as you begin standing up from your kneeled position beside the cot, “there you go, Mando,” patting his right thigh, you begin to loosen your grip on his hand only to have his grip tighten around your wrist.

“Stay.” His voice doesn’t reach an octave higher than a hushed whisper, “stay here with me, please.” You felt your heart soften at his plea.

“Of course.” You lay down next to him. With him by your side, you feel the tension in your shoulders finally drift away. You can finally relax as you rest your head against his uninjured shoulder. A moment of comfortable silence lingers in the air and at some point, your head rests against his chest. Listening to the steady beat of his heart, you finally find the semblance of peace you’ve been looking for since you lost the  _ first  _ love of your life. 

When you wake up quietly the following morning, you can feel the deep rumble of Mando’s chest from underneath you. Feigning your true state, you keep your eyes closed and try to memorize everything you’re feeling in the moment, not wanting to  _ ever  _ forget this.  _ Needing  _ to feel this way again. 

Gripping his hold around your shoulder, you feel him pull you even closer to his side, if that were even possible. You feel his fingers run through the strands of hair that have fallen on your shoulder during your slumber, “ _ vor entye, cyare.”  _

After hearing the same term of endearment as last night, you lift your head rapidly from his chest, “ _ cyare? _ You called me that last night, what does it mean?”

You can feel your partner’s entire body tense up when you question him. Gently, he places the hand that was on your shoulder to the back of your head, slowly bringing it back down, putting you back in your comfortable position once again. You can feel his heart racing as he thinks of a response.

“‘Beloved.’”   
“Beloved? I’m your beloved?” 

“Yes.” He begins to stroke your hair softly to ease his nerves.

Sighing contently, you squeeze his torso gently with the arm you have draped around him while you were sleeping, “ _ cyare.” _ You repeat it again softly, liking the way it sounds on your tongue.

“Din.” He breaks the silence as you lift your head off of his chest for the second time and glance at his visor, furrowing your brows at the foreign word.

“What does that mean?” 

“Din- My name is Din Djarin.”   


With the biggest smile plastered on your face, you test out his name on your tongue and nod at him, settling back down in the comfort of the arms of your  _ second  _ love.

_ The fourth time you opened up to Din was while you were laying by his side one night.  _

Finishing up a tiring day of doing repairs on the  _ Crest _ , you’re happy to finally get the chance to unwind in your shared bed with Din. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, you begin to take out your braids. You’re currently on a forest planet for your next bounty. You arrived late in the afternoon so you weren’t able to explore the marketplace, but you were able to take in your surroundings briefly when you worked on the exterior of the  _ Crest;  _ the area took your breath away. From the towering trees to the meadows to the chirping of birds; this planet reminded you of your home planet, your first home. You hope you can convince Din to explore the marketplace with you before you depart. 

You’re so deep in thought that you don’t notice Din’s presence. Thinking of the similarities between this planet and your homeworld has made you reminiscent of your old life when you used to be so oblivious and naive, when you used to think family was only by blood. 

A sudden hand on your shoulder tears you away from your thoughts. Dragging his hand from your shoulder down the length of your arm, Din intertwines your fingers together and gently tugs on it, “there’s something I want to show you.” 

You let him guide you outside; you’re not sure where he’s taking you or why, but you’ve learned to never question him. You just admire how beautiful the meadows look at night, how beautiful 

Din’s beskar looks with the moonlight reflecting off of it. A soft smile grazes your face when it takes you back to when Shay would drag you to your usual spot on your homeplanet to stargaze many cycles ago.Din brings you back to reality for the second time tonight when he abruptly stops; you’re about to ask him what’s going on when you take in the sight before you. A nearly inaudible gasp leaves your lips as you see multiple blankets laid out on the grassy floor with the perfect view to look at the sky. A few tears begin to form in your eyes when you realize why he dragged you outside.

You can see Din’s hesitance by the way his thumb is nervously rubbing over your knuckles, when he looks down at the ground, and shuffles on his feet, “I just thought it looked so nice out tonight and you said that you miss the simpleness of your old life, so I just thought-”

You giggle at his sudden nervousness, “I love it, Din.” 

“Really?”   
“What’s not to love?” You gesture to the beautiful view and the blankets beneath you. With a big smile on your face, you continue, “the trees, the moonlight, the view. It’s perfect, Din.”

“Are you sure? I can-”

Tugging on his hand just like he had done before, you sit down on top of the blankets, “it’s  _ perfect _ .” 

For a while, you two lay in silence beside the occasional distant noises of the native animals. 

The heat radiating from Din’s clothed chest brings a sense of calm over your body. His steady heartbeat putting you at ease, a feeling you’ve only become familiar with since you two laid together for the first time. A gentle breeze lures your body into an even more relaxed state. The feeling of his bare hands running through your hair calms you, “I can’t believe you remembered something I said months ago.”

“Of course I did,  _ cyare _ .” 

“I just assumed you would’ve forgotten about it by now- since I’ve been known to be quite vexing.”   
“What makes you say that?”   
“It’s what my mother used to tell me whenever I would get really excited about something. We used to have dinner together, just the three of us, every night. And whenever I would tell my parents about my day or something that I got passionate about, my mother would tell me how annoying I could be at times.” Distracting yourself by playing the hem of his shirt, you continue, “I was very close with my family when I was young, but the relationship I had with my mom made it difficult sometimes.”

“What was she like?”

“She worked at our local village as a healer; she was very kind, warm, nurturing towards others _. _ She’s one of the kindest people I’ve met in the entire galaxy.” You smile fondly at the memory of your mother, “she’s the one that taught me a lot of basic skills before I left for the Academy at seventeen. She taught me how to cook, how to do my hair, tend to basic wounds. We didn’t always see eye-to-eye on everything, but I know she will always love me.”

“You’re referring to when she kicked you out.”

“Yeah.” Slightly lifting your head off of his chest to look at his visor, an expression of surprise is written on your face, “do you remember everything I’ve told you?”   
“Well, not everything. You do talk a lot.” You deadpan at him, “of course I do.” He states like it’s the most obvious thing in the entire galaxy, “I always look forward to hearing your stories,  _ cyar’ika _ .” 

“Really?” Heavy doubt was laced in your voice as you sat up completely and saw Din simply nod at you in response, “here I thought you only tolerated them like my mother.” 

“ _ Never, cyar’ika.”  _ With the two of you now sitting up, you see the same hand that was running through your hair is now clenched in on a fist in his lap; the same response he had when you mentioned about falling in love for the first time, almost like he’s holding back his thoughts, “I am grateful that you trust me enough to talk about this.” He unclenches his fist and reaches over to squeeze your free hand. 

His confession brings a smile to your face, “you know, I haven’t opened up to anyone this much ever since Shay.” You admit, your heart suddenly feeling heavy, “I don’t know how to explain it, but ever since we met, there’s been this instinct, this feeling, like it’s-”

“The Force?” Seeing the confused look he continued, “you said the same exact thing when you were talking about being on an Imperial prison station.” The look of confusion changes into bafflement. You told him that story many moons ago, maybe even a cycle ago. You don’t even remember half of the stories that you’ve told him; there’s been so many. You certainly don’t remember ever mentioning the Force, “you said that you believed the Force was on your side when you were able to successfully free the spy- something that your mother taught you when you were a child.”   
“Yeah, she did.” You replied, still baffled he remembers even the smallest of details you’ve mentioned in passing.

“What else did she teach you about the Force?”

“She told me that it surrounds every living thing, that it’s also an ally. As a child, I didn’t understand what that meant. She would tell me that no matter what happens in life, whether it’s good or bad, everything happens because the Force wills it. I don’t know how to explain it, but ever since she mentioned it to me as a kid, there’s been this  _ feeling  _ deep down. Like it’s pulling me towards something, or someone, that’s meant for me. I-I-I don’t know what that feeling is, but I do know that without it, I wouldn’t have met you.” You squeeze his hand that is already enclasped with yours.

“Do you think the Force brought us together?”

“I do.” You nod at him, “there was gravitating feeling I felt when I first met Shay when we were young, and I had that same feeling when I met you.” 

“You flatter me,  _ ner kar’ta.”  _ You don’t know what he called you in the tongue of his people, but you can tell it’s admiration by the soft tone of his voice.

“ _ Kar’ta?  _ What does that mean?”

“I’ll tell you someday.”

“Better than being called  _ di’kut,  _ I suppose.” The memory of him calling you that term for the first brings a few chuckles to your face, “I can’t believe you called me an idiot.”   
“You literally almost joined a Force-based cult without realizing it.”

“You may have a point there.” He tilts his helmet slightly to the side, “okay, you do.” Sighing deeply, you return to your previous position of laying down on the blankets, where Din joins you shortly where he pulls you against his side. One of his hands immediately goes back to combing through your hair while the other laces his fingers with yours. The odd combination of his calloused hands and soft palms shock you at first, but also it’s oddly  _ him _ . It’s taken you several moons to see this softer side of your partner and it always brings you in awe whenever you learn a small detail of him. Like his hands, Din may seem rough on the outside, but on the inside, he has a softer side that surprised you at first, but is not unwelcomed.

Your line of sight begins to gravitate towards the stars above you. You don’t know what it is about them, but you’ve always found comfort in them; they would always remind you of home. Looking at them, many memories of your homeworld come to mind: of eating with your family, stargazing with the first love of your life, having bonfires with your friends. You’ve always found solace in the quietness of the outdoors. 

The thoughts become so engrossed in your mind that you don’t notice Din’s lingering gaze on you. You can’t see it, but a look of high admiration emerges on his face. He was about to question what’s on your mind when you interrupt him, “nights like these always remind me of home.” You begin with a faint smile on your face, “my family used to have bonfires in our backyard when I was a kid and those were some of my happiest memories.” A specific memory makes you laugh, “like one time, my hair almost caught in the fire because we were roasting mallows and-”

“You almost burnt your hair?”

“Yeah.”

“Why am I not surprised?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s just very,” he motions towards you, “you.” 

“Thank you. It scared my mother so she taught me how to braid my hair so it wouldn’t happen again. Ever since then, I’ve always feel closest to her whenever my hair is in a style she taught me.”

With your head on his chest, you can feel the low rumbling of his chest from him humming in response, “that’s nice.” 

“It was.”

“Would you ever want to go back there? To Rellia?”   
“No,” You shake your head against his chest, “I miss my family greatly, but I don’t think I could ever go back there. After my last conversation with her, my mother made it perfectly clear that she never wanted to see me again. When she kicked me out, she told me that I had lost the only family I would ever have-”

“ _ Aliit ori’shya tal’din.” _

_ “ _ What?”

“‘ _ Family is more than blood _ .’ Mandalorians believe that family can not only be related by blood, but by those who take you in as well.” That’s when you realize that you may have lost your  _ first _ family the night you left for the Academy with the  _ first _ love of your life, but you also have gained another when you began traveling around the galaxy with Din.

_ The one time Din opened up to you was moments after you shared details of your  _ _ first  _ _ home.  _

Silence lingers in the air. With the distant chirping of insects and the steady rhythm of Din’s heartbeat, it’s easy for you to begin drifting off. You’ve always found solace in the feeling of the steady rise and fall of his chest. Ever since you accidentally fell asleep by his side that night many moons ago, you’ve been able to finally feel resemblance of peace; the decisions from your past no longer haunt your dreams. Your dreams are now filled with how you see your future with Din to be like, and Din feels the same exact way. He’s always been used to doing things on his own, just trying to  _ survive _ , but he knows now that he doesn’t have to. His dreams used to be plagued with all of the darkness he’s experienced from over the years. Waking up from night terrors became normal for him, but with you by his side, he’s finally found the feeling of home for the first time since being sworn into his Creed. He finally feels at  _ peace _ . 

You’re half asleep when you feel a rumbling from underneath you as a distant voice begins to call to you, almost like a siren call luring you to them, “ _ cyare _ , you awake?” You begin to stir when you recognize the familiar calming sensation of his hands running through your hair.

“No.” Another rumble is felt from beneath you.  _ He’s laughing.  _

“Funny.” Even in your sluggish state, his response brings a few chuckles out of you and a smile on your face, “are you happy here?”   
“Yes,” you reply with no hesitation, “as long as I’m with you, I’m happy.” You slightly take your head off of his chest to look into his visor, “what about you?”

“For the first time in a long time, yes.” You feel a sudden tight squeeze on your hand that’s enclasped with his; a tactic of his where he hesitates you’ve noticed. You squeeze his hand gently urging him to go on, “I was grateful the day the Mandalorians took me in, but I’ve always felt like something has always been missing, something like-” 

“Home?” 

“Yes,  _ home _ .” Squeezing your hand, he continues, “I haven’t felt like I’ve had one since my first one was destroyed, by the _ Empire.”  _ As your lover begins to describe the horrific day that has plagued his dreams since he was a boy, it takes everything in you not to cry into his tunic. From the descriptions of the battle droids shooting at innocent civilians to his parents attempting to shield their son from the terrorizing happening around them, you can finally  _ see _ where the root of his hatred for the Empire, for droids has come from. The Empire took everything from him. Rather than living a simple life in his village, he was forced to  _ survive _ the first out of many fights he would have to endure during his life, “and that’s when they came in.” His voice only held darkness, a spew of hatred for those that took his first family, but a lightness appeared; an admiration, “when I thought I was going to die, the Mandalorians came in and saved me, helped to protect of what remained. One of them saved me and took me in as a foundling.” Din’s voice continues to lighten with appreciation as he continues to reflect on those who rescued him on one of his darkest days. Without them, he wouldn’t be here next to your side. 

As Din continues to talk about his upbringing as a foundling and later on swearing into the Creed, you realize that without the Empire, you two wouldn’t have found each other. As awful as it may sound, you’re grateful the galaxy has blessed you by giving you a second chance at finding your family, your  _ home.  _ All of the bad that has happened to both of you happened for a good reason. Even with all the darkness you’ve both endured from over the years, a lightness will begin to balance it out by your love for each other. 

Something your mother told you when you were a child comes to mind, “ _ there must be darkness to balance out the light.”  _ And you truly believe that. Without all of the darkness from both of your pasts, Din losing his first family to the Empire and you losing your first love, you wouldn’t be where you are today. You never thought all of the pain and suffering would be worth it in the end. 

“‘ _ There must be darkness to balance out the light.’”  _ You say out loud, mainly to yourself. You don’t even realize you spoke it until you hear your lover’s voice, his fingers suddenly stopping weaving their way through your hair. 

“What was that,  _ ner kar’ta?” _

Your entire body freezes up in fear, with a tight grip around his torso as you realize what you’ve said, “It’s something my mother used to tell me back on Rellia. ‘ _ There must be darkness to balance out the light.’”  _ You hear Din hum in response as you continue, “She always told me that no matter how dark things got, a lightness will always shine through. Do you believe that?”

“I do. I wouldn’t have met you if the Mandalorians didn’t take me in.”

“And if I didn’t leave my homeworld.” You concluded, “do you ever wish it never happened? The attack on your village?”

You feel Din suddenly taking in a deep breath with his grip on your shoulder tightening, “Sometimes. But without it, my path towards you wouldn’t have begun.”

“You really believe our paths were meant to merge?”

“I do.” Your heart immediately softens at his confession. Ever since you left your homeworld to join the cause, you never thought you would find another home, your other half. But now, laying with Din and talking about all you’ve lost and gained from the war has made you feel something you haven’t felt in a long time: a true sense of belonging.

“Did the Mandalorians ever make you feel out of place because you were foundling?”

_ “Never _ . Family is everything to the Mandalorians; your bloodline doesn’t matter. Family are those you would do anything for, those who accept you for who you are, are your true family.”

“Like us?”

“Yes, like us.”

“ _ Family is more than blood.”  _ You repeat the same phrase Din spoke before. Hearing Din hum in agreement, you squeeze his hand for the final time as you let out a deep breath you didn’t know you were holding in. With the calming sensation of his fingers continually running through your hair and the weird mixture of rough skin and the softness from the pads of his exposed fingers, you finally let yourself lure into peace. 

The repeating Mandalorian phrase in your mind lifts the weight that has been on your shoulders since you left your first home; you no longer have to worry about finding your place in the galaxy. You always feared you might have lost it permanently when you lost the first love of your life to the war, but now all of your worries quickly dissipate. You know that no matter the circumstances, you’ll be safe next to Din’s side. Whether it’s good or bad that’s brought into your lives, you know Din will do everything in his power to ensure your safety. Family means everything to the Mandalorians and he’ll be damned if someone will even try to take his second one away.

With another moment of silence luring over the two of you, your vision gravitates towards the stars that hover above you. The stars have always made you feel so small, so insignificant in the galaxy, but you know you’ll find your place in the galaxy someday with the second love of your life by your side. You don’t know what your future holds, how long it’ll be before you take in your last breath, but you do know you can conquer any darkness the Maker will give you. 

Sleep is beginning to lure over your body. With the sensation of his hand combing through your hair and the thoughts of your future home with Din on your mind, you finally fall asleep in peace with a sense of belonging for the first time in a long time. 

**Author's Note:**

> mando’a used: 
> 
> copaani mirshmure’cye rod? - are you looking for a smack in the face, mate? (phrase)
> 
> di’kut - idiot
> 
> riduur - spouse
> 
> vor entye, cyare - thank you, beloved
> 
> cyar’ika - sweetheart
> 
> ner kar’ta - my heart
> 
> aliit ori-shya tal’din - family is more than blood (saying)


End file.
